Celebritweets of the Week

"Finally in the bed! "It was a good day".(Said like Ice Cube: ) Got 2 songs finished w/Tricky and Big Jim. I hope I can tweet from S.Africa!" — Mariah Carey, who got some work done, is going to Africa, and didn't even have to use her AK

"Just shot FunnyOrDie with Zac Efron. Me and VHud are besties" — Twitter newcomer Nicole Richie, coming soon to a viral video near you

"@NeilDiamond I am a huge fan of yours. We should do a collaboration – Neil DIamond meets my band Limp Bizkit. Sounds fresh." — Fred Durst, using Twitter to give birth to what is perhaps the worst idea of all time

"im going awaaay for long time this week, im submerging, unpligging radio silence, no tv no periodicals no media no cell NOCOMMENT." — Courtney Love, feeling like it's finally time for a break following a long weekend of total Twitsanity

"today's tomorrow's yesterday…" — Selena Gomez, whose college-dorm armchair philosophy just, like, blew our freaking minds, man

"Is it ok for guys to wear uggs? I cant make them work but Jason Siegel figured out how in I Love You Man." — Aspiring fashionista Ryan Seacrest, frustrated after years of trying to make Ugg Boots "work"

"thank you Jesus for putting LC into my life!!!!!!" — Lauren Conrad frenemy Heidi Montag, giving JC all the cred for LC

"YEA YOU GUYS SHOULD ALL COME TO AFRICA WITH ME FOR 2 WEEKS 2 HELP!! IT WOULD BE SOOO FUN! WE CAN ALSO GO ON SAFARI TRIPS AND LOOK AT LIONS!" — Tila Tequilia, with whom random Twitter people should totally go to Africa and, like, look at lions

"D–n I fell asleep by mistake when we turned the lights off! It was so dark!!! Lol. I'm AWAKE NOW PEOPLE! I'm back!!!" — Earth Hour enthusiast Diddy, who will only sleep when he's dead (or during unexpected bouts of eco-friendly darkness)

"Think of all the things that wouldn't be if someone didn't believe. Why not immortality?" — Ashton Kutcher, who might be seeing the downside of marrying an older woman

"I know the words to candle in the wind , that don't make me Elton John!" — Lily Allen, who apparently has been mistaken for a flamboyant old piano-playing gay man

"Wait, are beans the magical or musical fruit? I forget how the song goes, but I'm pretty sure they're magical." — Nonmagical magician (sorry, "illusionist") Criss Angel, talking about his magic beans

"I'm addicted to Twitter!!!!!!!!!" — Perez Hilton finally finds a better way to express himself than crudely drawing X-rated pictures on people

"Hi everyone! Sorry I'm so bad at doing this. I blame Seacrest." — E!'s "The Soup" host Joel McHale points fingers for his lack of Twitter updates

"The only good thing about waking up this early is catching Contessa Brewer on MSNBC" — Dave Navarro, who we never would have taken for such a morning news junkie

"Maybe I should set up an "incogtweeto" account. Think they would figure out it was me. Yeah, my lousy grammar would bust me :)" — Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, shortly after he was fined $25,000 for Tweeting during a Mavericks-Nuggets game