Celebritweets for week of March 24

"Check out my chubby baby pic on KimKardashian.com … can't wait to have lil chubby babies of my own!" — Kim Kardashian, reminding us that she once had a more innocent pre-Ray J side

"Btw, hard to tweet left handed." — Lance Armstrong, who manages to have a sense of humor about this week's bicycling accident

"yah my flight just got canceled!! guess its God's will to stay home and keep recording this album!!!!!!! im half way through" — Heidi Montag, who knows that if there's one thing God wants, it's her next album to be finished

"Rule: you can't call a nude woman posing on the internet a 'teen' if she clearly has a scar from a polio shot." — John Mayer, providing a clue as to what might have been the real reason that Jen left him

"To those asking, I drink a lot of water, around a liter and a half a day easy"

— daytime talk-show host Kelly Ripa, just letting us know that she's staying hydrated

"i know i shou;d write a kiss and tell of just ti*s,,,lilos,,,,, they were nice she hadnt changed in three days but,,oh im terrible" — Courtney Love, providing a cautionary tale of why you shouldn't drink and Twitter

"i honestly do not know how to reply to individuals on twitter and i actually don't have that much time even though i would like to" — even on Twitter, Martha Stewart politely refuses to acknowledge you

"Ha! Now I'M the most popular 'Weird Al' Yankovic on Facebook! Take THAT, Fake Al!" — "Weird Al" Yankovic, being pretty weird about the Internet

"It's the little things that mean the most. Remember that." — Mischa Barton, who may have missed her calling as a greeting-card writer

"Benji Madden wants to take me to get a tattoo! What should I get?" — Ryan Seacrest, mere moments before having the words "Seacrest Out!" permanently emblazoned on his left butt cheek

"In the studio during the day..it just doesn't seem right! Too brite :)"– Mariah Carey, who might also be a vampire

"Tonight I got hypnotized by The Amazing Kreskin and talked to Statler and Waldorf Muppets. It's 1974." – Jimmy Fallon, who has apparently figured out how to use Twitter to time travel

"Wow, that Armenian food I ate last night (which was de-lish) is now a brick in my tummy, pass the Joe." — Elizabeth Banks, giving us way too much Twinformation

"I think I'm going to look up 'wikipedia' on wikipedia later." — Rainn Wilson tries to blow up the whole Internet

"there is no such thing as jetlag with a 9-month-old. I live in B.S.T. (Baby Standard Time zone). It's somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere" — pro skateboarder Tony Hawk learns an extreme lesson about fatherhood

"Ok ladies your goal today is to FIND a vitamin and take it, go to whole foods, go to gnc, find a 1 a day, find fish oils…you can do it!" — Shanna Moakler, who is the Hulk Hogan of B-list reality starlets