The Afternoon Shortlist for February 13

Alec Baldwin showed Conan O'Brien his best Joaquin Phoenix impression last night. The slouching was good, the nosepicking was fair, but he really needed the gnarly beard to nail this one. (Gawker)

What sort of Valentine's greeting might Dave Letterman have for Joaquin Phoenix? Or Christian Bale for the whole $*^%ng world? Popeater has a few ideas. Enjoy, then come back for more celeb Valentine's wishes. (Popeater)

A Facebook user posing as Chris Brown changed his status to read, "You'll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!" shortly after the singer's alleged attack on Rihanna. US Weekly's source says it's faker than Joaquin Phoenix's rap act. (US)

Jessica Simpson admits she splits her pants on occassion. Such embarrassment is a thing of the past, though, thanks to her latest fashion discovery: the skort. (E! Online)

T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl may not be ready to walk into the "Grey's Anatomy" proverbial empty elevator shaft. Series creator Shonda Rimes says rumors of the pair's departure have no basis in reality. (D-Listed)

Gwyneth Paltrow is sharing her sexy recipe for a sexy Valentine's meal featuring all kinds of sexy foodstuffs like oysters and cakes with chocolate lava in them. Ironically, Gwyn doesn't know where husband Chris Martin will be on V-Day. (People)