The Shortlist: More than Friends?

Star Magazine reports that Evan Rachel Wood (21) and Mickey Rourke (56!) were spotted swapping spit outside the SAG awards. Note to Evan: we see what you're going for. But this is in no way outweirds dating Marilyn Manson.

Listen up, haters. Kim Kardashian thinks Jessica Simpson's body looks just fine. In fact, she'd like to praise Jessica in a strange, slightly undermining way! Sayeth Kim: "I get that she does look curvier, but to me, there's nothing wrong it."

New York's Daily News is also piling on (get it?) Jessica Simpson weight train. One article applauds Ashlee Simpson for defending Jessica, then adds, ever so delicately: "she seems to be a little … off when it comes to gauging her sister's size."

Hugh Hefner isn't wasting time mourning the loss of his girls next door. In fact, he's already got new girlfriends. Their names? "Kristina," "Karissa Shannon," and "Crystal." Easy to remember. Not like those other blondes.

What's Jennifer Aniston's greatest dating regret? Nope, not that. Or that one. Or even THAT one! It's obviously the time a guy juiced some cherry tomato on her pretty white dress.