The Afternoon Shortlist for February 4, 2009

Kelly Clarkson says she isn't gay, though for some reason people ask her that all the time! It's not that we don't believe you Kelly, it's just that we've been burned before. (US)

Jackass's Steve-O will be among the new contestants on Dancing With The Stars. For the sake of America's children, will someone please clear the DWTS set of all staplers? (Celebuzz)

Alex Rodriguez reportedly isn't pleased that Madonna is parading her new gentleman friend, 22-year-old Jesus Luz, all over New York City. Don't play a player, A-Rod, or you just might get played. (NY Daily News)

Despite Britney Spears' announcement that her children join her on tour, Kevin Federline's lawyer says nothing is definite yet. Who would deny these two small boys the simple joy of watching mommy writhe onstage? (E! Online)

Best Supporting Actress nominee Penelope Cruz says that, no matter what happens on Oscar night, she's finishing off the evening with karaoke covers of Eminem. This is so adorable that we're willing to wipe the Tom Cruise years from the record. (US)