The Shortlist for June 18

By Paige Ferrari

Madonna has enlisted Gwyneth Paltrow to help her decorate Mercy James' bedroom. Paltrow's GOOPy aesthetic will clearly make little Mercy feel at home because, you know, Gwyn is African.

Lauren Conrad is not into breast implants and says she prefers a flat-chested look. Is this a burn on Heidi Montag? Or Audrina Patridge? Or just everyone else who's ever appeared on the "The Hills"? (People)

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Photos: Lauren Conrad

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Lindsay Lohan is reportedly off the hook for the $400,000-plus in jewelry that went missing from her Elle photo shoot in London. Born under a lucky star, this Lindsay. (NYDN)

Photos: Lindsay Lohan

Speaking of Lindsay, she and Paris Hilton are reportedly jealous over recent media coverage of Jon and Kate Gosselin. One source says tabloid cover envy is "why Paris had a big blow-up with Doug [Reinhardt]." Watch out, Ronaldo, you're just a pawn in Ms. Hilton's dirty fame game. (Page Six)

Britney Spears reportedly left fans "stunned" after she shouted out, "What's up, London?" to a crowd in Manchester. Come on, now. Surely no one in this audience came to see Britney for her firm grasp of English geography. (Daily Mail)

Evan Rachel Wood doesn't want to sound "pompous," but it was really hard for her to "play dumb and ditzy" on the set of Woody Allen's new movie. Because she and Marilyn Manson would oft discuss Foucault on those long trips back from Hot Topic. (Celebitchy)

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Photos: Evan Rachel Wood

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are reportedly hard at work on a book about how to become famous. This should make Lauren Conrad's "L.A. Candy" look like a piece of enduring literature. (Celebuzz)

Another day, another million dollars of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's money flowing into Pakistan. There's really nothing very funny to say about this, except: Damn. These good-looking movie stars sure have a lot of money. (E! Online)

It brings us no joy to report that the father of "American Idol" runner-up David Archuleta has pleaded no contest to charges that he hired a massage parlor prostitute. Your mileage may vary. (US)

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Photos: David Archuleta

Granted, you wish all the nominees could take home a surfboard at the Teen Choice Awards in August. But that's not that world we live in. In this world, you have to decide between "Twilight," "Gossip Girl," and "High School Musical 3." So go cast your vote at the People's Choice Awards Web site, already. (PCA)